There’s a joke on the Internet that goes something like this:
A woman is looking in a mirror and says to her husband nearby, “I feel horrible, I look old, fat, and ugly. I need you to pay me a compliment. The Husband replies, “Your eyesight is damn near perfect.”
So, my question is:
What does “Happily Ever After” really mean in middle age marriages? Does it mean to “Take For Granted Ever After,” “More Of The Same Ever After,” or even worse, “Play Quite-Aggressive Games with Each Other Ever After?”
How many of us have had friends or even relatives, similar age to you, throw in the towel on their marriage? Did they know the answer or have the motivation? or was it a case of I really don’t know how to reconnect with my wife.
- How can I reconnect with my wife?- Ask her. The worst answer you can get is, “I don’t know.
The shocking truth when you ask why, it’s not because they broke up due to abuse, infidelity, or anything that would automatically spell divorce, but rather it was a general staleness in their marriage. Putting it simply they just have grown apart.
A friend of mine once said – “The smallest details often lead to the success or failure of a relationship or marriage.” and when you take the time and really think it through it makes so much sense. We have also experienced the lack of connection; so, we know how it feels.
To help you I would recommend that you read; The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife’s Heart Forever.
“Life is all about constant learning. Don’t get stuck in the cycle of work/life balance, continue to grow as a human being. If you’re not growing, you’re dying. This book will start you on the right road, there are no guarantees, but you need to make a start.”
“The secret to why my wife and I are still intimate: 20 People Married For 20+ Years Share How They Keep Things Hot In The Bedroom
It’s not about the big things we do, its the smallest actions do or WORDS we say that makes the real difference.
Men have spent years climbing the corporate ladder, hours at the office or on the factory floor, resulting in this perception of a “phoney marriage” marriage in name only, beyond the word marriage there is nothing. Partners have nothing in common.
- Relate To Each Other- Take an interest in your wife-ask questions on her day-on her interests-on her friends-stay connected.
When men try to understand the reasons for the drifting, they often chalk it up to life circumstances, personality, or their partner’s behaviour. These things play a role, to be sure. But in reality, it goes a lot deeper.
In reality, though, the quality of a relationship is the sum of the small choices each person makes every day.
Is not big acts of passion, but rather the “micro-moments of warmth and connection” that happen every hour of every day. These moments steadily change relationships over time, small positive moments create the strong bond of connection that happy couples savour.
- Create an atmosphere of trust and safety, letting your partner know that you love and support him or her.
Taking a few moments to connect with your partner many times every day is essential in building close relationships.
The sense of a shared journey comes from how you say goodbye in the morning, whether you’re home for dinner when you say you’ll be, the tone of your voice when you’re frustrated.
Most of the time, though, it’s no single choice that determines the outcome of a marriage.
- Make compromises based on what is important to each of you.
Once you understand this principle, you’ll realize that drifting apart is neither random nor inevitable. Each small choice can help nudge you along the path to connection and love.
After many years of marriage, in some cases, men forget to treat their wife as a woman. They fail to understand her needs or how he needs to treat her.
- Learn your wife’s emotional cues.
This goes beyond a simple kiss or a quick cuddle, that’s easy to do. Here we are talking about kindness, being tender with your wife, showing her that you really care for her and that it’s not just a quick 5 minutes in bed. It takes two to have a meaningful physical relationship, so it stands to reason that both you and your wife can share the experience of sex
Recognize the importance of cultivating an intimate friendship with your partner.
- Practice sensual touch. Sensual touch can include giving a luxurious massage, caressing, passionate kissing, and gentle or slow sexual touch.
You don’t have to have a sexual expectation with a sensual touch. You can just focus on exploring and enjoying touching your spouse’s body and enjoying having your body touched and explored.
- Talk about Sex – Be clear in your desires, dislikes, and expectations
Don’t avoid discussing sex because of embarrassment, guilt, or shame. It’s important for you to feel sexually fulfilled with your wife. A surprise is a wonderful tool to use, plan an evening in, spend an entire evening focused on your physical and romantic connection. This is about exploration, focus on the sensation of touching your wife.
Reconnecting With Fun
One of the main reasons for partners to loose connect is that they spend so little time together in the past, that when they do have time together they find it so hard to find anything to say.
Its like they have never met, neither party really knows what to say, even worse, neither party can make the effort to try.
- Have an enjoyable ritual. Commit to doing something together regularly.
One way to get over this barrier is to plan something together that you do every week. Set sometime as a side just for the two of you. Plan a weekly walk, join an evening class, but just try and find what each of you still enjoys doing.
Turn the clock to your first date, relive it, take your wife on a date, spend time getting ready, look your best. Book a restaurant, you both love. Reminisce with a memory can ignite the feelings of those moments when they first happened.
- Recapture the joy and excitement and have it again for the second time.
- Remember that it takes two to fix a relationship.
Reliving the memories can help you reconnect with what brought you two together.
And finally, just have some fun. Laugh together, smile. Don’t take things so seriously, yes there will be difficult times, and yes life is not perfect and if it’s any consolation (and it’s probably not), you are not the only husband who has neglected his wife and wants to rebuild his marriage!