17th June is officially father’s day: some dads love the day, and others couldn’t care less – it’s just another day.
For those of you who had wonderful fathering experiences and look forward to celebrating your dad on Father’s Day — it is a magical moment, and I truly hope you have a wonderful day!
For me, it’s never been a special day, and getting older doesn’t seem to have changed my feelings. In fact, I feel less inclined to celebrate father’s day.
For fathers who have gone through a painful divorce, no matter how much time passes by, it’s really difficult to maintain that bond with your children. Especially when you remarry and have children.
How The Passing of Time Makes Fathers’ Day Easier.
Some fathers are wonderful. However, some fathers are not. For a thousand and one reasons, they are outside the realm of our love: neglect, absence, abandonment. Many fathers have simply made it impossible for their children to feel the emotion of love or demonstrate it back and to celebrate fathers day as it should be celebrated.
Having two grown-up children, a boy and a girl, one from each marriage, I have never really thought this day as being any different from any other day. And why?
Because for one of my children, father’s day has bad memories for him because I was not around when he needed me most.
For many fathers the day is special and they relish the time spent with their kids on this day. I would like you just spare a thought for those fathers for whatever reason cannot celebrate the day.
Fathers want to be part of the upbringing of their children and it’s not just about one day, even if it’s a special day- what about the other 364 days?
Many children live in one-parent families. They may not even see their dad on a regular basis, and when they do, the time spent together doesn’t always end up in a closer relationship.
We all age and with age comes the sense that time with your children, no matter want age becomes more valuable.
We see in our children’s eyes the beliefs and values and pride in what we hopefully have taught them. I see pride and joy in my two children.
I view fathers day with a lot of pain and bad memories.
- What happens when you’re father had no interest in you?
- How does that affect the way you see being a father?
- What lessons can you learn?
I never had a relationship with my dad, so giving him a card and breakfast in bed never crossed my mind, and to be brutally honest, I don’t think my dad really cared one way or the other.
When I was a kid, my father forgot birthdays, holidays, and my general existence for years at a time. And, yes, it left bitter memories.
And, you know what? It’s OK to be sad on Father’s Day, or any other day, about what you’ve missed out on. I missed out having a father. I just wanted to celebrate fathers day like just like other kids in my class.
And I guess that’s how I view fathers day. My father never made the effort to attend school events or watch me play a sport.
He was only interested in things that he enjoyed, work, his friends, his likes at the expense of my feelings and needs. I just wanted a dad, nothing more nothing less. I wanted to celebrate fathers day.
When he died, I never felt anything, because deep down I never knew my father, and he never knew me.
While we can never wave a magic wand and undo or rewrite the past (or make our father any different from what he actually was/is), I strongly believe it’s never, ever too late to seek out and let in healing experiences of re-parenting (and this applies to both mothering and fathering).
But Regardless of Whether or Not
But regardless of whether or not you’ve had a positive or negative fathering experience, It takes a lot of courage to put the past behind you. To except that just because you may have had a difficult relationship with your father, this is time for you to build your lasting relationship with your children
I don’t expect anything special for my two children; I just hope that can see a father that cares for them deeply, and will always be there to support them whenever they need it.
Just because outwardly I may not be jumping for joy on this day, I still try very hard to understand that my children want to show their love and for them, a simple card and gift go a long way in their minds to show how much they care. You know what? It makes me feel special.
Say Happy Fathers Day To Yourself
While there is no one way or one list of things or attributes that fathers versus mothers provide for their kids, for me, fathering has always meant providing safety, firm boundaries, assistance in problem-solving, teaching and championing who I am and what I do.
On Father’s Day, just spend some time reflecting on what fathering means to you and how you’re already practising that in your own life? Can you imagine using Father’s Day to celebrate yourself and all the ways you enjoy being a father?
So, do I enjoy and celebrate fathers day?
No, but I try and make sure that my children see that I love them both very much. And that I try and embrace the day for my children’s sake. I may not like the day but this is not about me, even though it’s fathers day. This a day for my children to do something really meaningful to them. They want to celebrate fathers day, to show that they love their dad. Happy Fathers Day.