“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” Thomas Jefferson (3rd United States President)
Your mindset and self-confidence can be improved. But how?
Building your mindset and self-confidence involves encouraging a positive but realistic attitude toward ourselves and the world around us and appreciating our worth.
While at the same time behaving responsibly towards others. It is only up to us; with the self-confidence, we build in ourselves, in our mind, and which we carry with us into life.
In our mind, that we can create giving relationships with people, productive relationships in the world of work and interests. It is our self-confidence, which, more than anything, can guide us to years of dynamic living.
If we give ourselves acceptance, if we see our success and try to perpetuate them if we believe in our capability, life will hold no great fears for us. And we will remain in the mainstream of life, doing, feeling, relating, and connecting.
All Of Us Have Taken Advice
All of us at some point time have sought advice, it could be something trivial or it could be a life-changing decision, it could be just a one-off or it may be the case that you seek advice on a regular basis.
On a personal level, until I was in my teenage years, I fell into the later, but I so learnt that life was then just listening to other peoples advice.
I can remember asking for all sorts of advice on so many different thoughts and ideas
But then it hit me that life was about making decisions, my own decisions, I could listen to the advice been given, whether I took it or not was another matter.
I can remember my life-changing decision – Do I Join the Military?
I asked and asked so many people, friends and family, to the point that I lost the reason why I wanted to join in the first place.
But I had one of those moments in time when I just said go with what I want. I wanted to learn something new, to find out who I was, sure there was going to be disappointment and pain in the military, but until I tried, I would never find out.
You know what, it turned out to be the best decision I could have made. By working on yourself confidence you can improve your mindset.
“How Wen my experience, the only way I know to change the type of person that you believe that you are — to build a new and better identity for yourself — is to do so with small, repeated actions. Handle Those Scars And Baggage Affects Our Cells And Age”. James Clear
Whenever we face this situation we tend to move to our natural instinct
When you are in a tricky situation or need some advice who do you tend to go to?
Well if you are like most people you tend to migrate to family and friends, it’s the first and most natural place to go to right?
And what do you tend to ask?
- What should I do about—?
- I don’t know what to do about—?
- I don’t like my job I want a fresh start what should I do?
I could go on for every listing questions, the truth is that these questions can’t be answered by your best friend, family or anybody else.
The hard fact is that the buck stops with you and you alone, you may not like it, buts its a fact of life, there will be difficult situations that require you make some tough decisions, ultimately the outcome will be based on what you decided to do.
If you were like me from an early age, even at school, it was drummed into me to always as for help or advice. I agree with that advice, for young kids, but why do we need to keep on with this when we enter into being an adult?
Related Article by James Clear: The Way We Think About Success (Here’s How You Can Use It)
For most of we have always been taught to ask for help or advice if and when we need it. But how can that be right?
The only person who can your questions is you
I am not saying that you should not ask for help, far from it, but the key to asking for help is the person first turn to for help or advice.
You Need To Sort Out The Wheat From The Chaff —there’s a lot of negative information out there.
Studies reported by Stanford University News show that if you expose yourself to negative advice for more than 30 minutes or more affects the way your neurons in your hippocampus, the part of your brain responsible for problem-solving work.
Negative Advice Impacts On Your Brains Function – Positive advice, on the other hand, can make you smarter.
In fact, studies reported in Scientific American show that by simply asking for positive advice can make you look smarter.
The key is that it’s your responsibility to decide the good advice from the bad advice. It’s up to you to figure out which pieces of advice are valuable to you and you can learn from, and which pieces are of little or no use to you.
How Age Can Effect Your Self Development
Research undertaken by Harvard University looked at How Age and Gender Affect Self-Improvement and the findings showed that as we get older we are more open to self-improvement. Interestingly there was a marked difference between men and women relating to self-confidence and age.
The University findings showed that:
There is a fascinating and slightly complex relationship between self-confidence and an improving mindset. The chart below describes what happens to self-confidence as people get older.
Note that males show improving self-confidence up until their early 40s, experience a mid-life dip, then experience rising confidence again until their mid-50s.
At that point, their confidence tends to decline. Women, on the other hand, start out less confident, but show steady increases from their mid-20s until their mid- 60s, ending up more confident than the men.
Older men are also more likely to have an “improving” mindset than younger men
The research team also re-enforced the views held by Carol Dweck.
A growth mindset is a foundation for any successful personal development process. Our evidence suggests that people can change, but in order to do so must stop “proving” and start looking for ways to “improve.”
So Why Do So Many Men Become -“Grumpy Old Men?”
The saying goes-“You Are Only As Old As You Feel”. Which when you think about has some merit. But research has shown that’s this too simplistic. The latest research has also shown that your mind and body are linked, so a better thought could be “What You Think You Become”
So perhaps, within reason, you’re only as old as you choose to be. Research is mounting that your outlook, your personality, how positive you are, your mindset – how upbeat you are- has a profound impact not just on how you feel but also on how your cells age, in another word – How Long Will You Live For?
“Let’s treat mind and body as just words,” says Ellen Langer, a professor of psychology at Harvard University who has been studying ageing, mindfulness, decisionmaking and health since the late 1970s. “Let’s put them together as one thing and say anywhere you put the mind, you also put the body.”
So as men get older they are more open-minded to self-improvement, but why do so many men still have a negative outlook on life when they hit middle age? – “It comes down to daily behaviour and the choices you make.
Its how you plan to live once you hit middle age, all of us will have baggage which we carry around, scars from previous experiences which have a made impression on whom we have become- In other words, discard those memories from your past that continue to form negative beliefs and thoughts which keep you from feeling confident.
Away to do that is and to start the healing process, is by writing down all those past memories and influences that continue to make you feel inadequate, indecisive, and insecure. Writing is a very simple and effective way of seeing things as there are, once you see them in black and white its a lot easier to start and build a new set of beliefs, ideas and goals.
It’s pretty difficult to move forward if you are constantly haunted by negative experiences from your past.
There is a growing weight of evidence and research from around the world showing that getting older is just not about your genes, but of how we live. Deciding to live a better richer life is seen as another way of having a younger life.
When we hit middle age our lives have gone either one way or the other- all our dreams and goals have been achieved or the opposite- life sucks or something in the middle.
Life can never be perfect but just because you hit middle age and you feel that life owes you something which it doesn’t- it’s never too late to have a life-changing moment.
Our brain and our mind play such a vital part of our overall health. What we tell our subconscious mind tends to become reality-you feed it negative thoughts and actions – getting older means you begin to have problems, your body stops working, you lose your memory, and you will put on weight which means you cannot move as well.
If your subconscious mind starts to believe that, then it will happen. However, the opposite is completely possible.
Recognise That You Do Have A Choice
Its easier to change a person behaviour than to change their attitudes. And mindset-whether proving or improving is most certainly a complex set of attitudes.
And it comes down to attitudes. You can read as much research as you like, and trust me there is a lot of it out there from eminent scientists and researchers all putting there point of view on how the body and mind are linked and that your thoughts or mindset plays a major role in how long you will live for.
Now that may seem a sweeping statement, but when you dig into the research it’s quite clear that what you think you will become and until you can get your head around this nothing will change.
And that’s the key to – Mindset and, Self Confidence. Whats The Link? -YOU
It’s about change but more importantly, it’s about you, and no one else.
Middle age can be a great time in life, plenty of options still open to you, but for a lot of middle-aged men, it’s a time of great uncertainty. There is a great article by Lucy Cavendish on Why So Many Middle-aged Men Feel So Lost? she looks at why middle-aged men feel lost, even in today’s society, which is supposed to offer everything a man could want.
Men currently in their midyears are caught between their traditional silent, strong and austere fathers who went to work and provided for their families, and the more progressive, open and individualistic generation of their sons. They do not know which of these two very different ways of life and masculine culture they should follow.”
The pressure to live up to what the report describes as a “masculine ‘gold standard’ which prizes power, control and invincibility” can turn personal troubles such as losing a job into a crisis in a way that it might not for women. The sense of suffering “defeat as a man” can be acuter in middle age when the responsibilities are greatest. The result? Men of this generation are in crisis
Remove Limiting Believes.
- Be aware of your thoughts. According to Psychology Today magazine, we have up to 50,000 thoughts a day, over 80% of which are recycled over and over again. Most of them are negative and unsupportive.
- Change any negative thoughts you have to something positive. Asking a how question such as “How can I…? “ is a good way to do this.
- Surround yourself with as much positive energy and people as possible. If necessary listen to uplifting audios, watch inspiring videos and read motivating books.
- For every negative thought or feeling, you have asked: “Where does this come from?” Remember that 96% of your thoughts don’t belong to you. If you get a light feeling (like when you think of something you love), then it wasn’t yours and you can release it. If you get a heavy feeling (like when you think of someone you don’t like) then you need to take action to remove it because it’s yours.
Observe Your Mindset.
You can’t begin to change a “fixed” mindset until you recognize it. Notice if you rush to conclusions about fundamental abilities.
- Do you tell yourself that you’re no good at a certain task, so there’s no point attempting it?
- Do you believe that success —whether it’s in music, sports, or creative fields—are reserved for people who are naturally talented?
- Do you worry that if you try your hardest and fail at something, you’ll be exposed as “a failure”?
Also consider moving your mindset and self-confidence towards:
- Try to stop justifying everything.
- Engage with new people as much as you can.
- Allow your self to dream.
- Focus on the experience rather than the end result.
- Try one new thing every day
- Do less wishing and comparing and more doing
- Know that you will make mistakes and you will fall down at some point
- Think small to grow big
- Have gratitude for what you have and not what you don’t have.
- Setting goals-Plan for action.
Mindset and self-confidence come down one thing You. We as middle age aged men have seen a major change in how family and friends see us and how we should behave and react to life situations.
If you are like me, I have learnt through experience that life can throw a few curve balls, its how to react to those curve balls that will determine a lot of life’s challenges. From a personal viewpoint, its been tough to handle middle age, but I have learnt that life owes you nothing if you want to have a better and more rewarding life it basically comes to you.
The importance of your family and friends become so much more important, we lose touch with so many of our friends over a period of time, so making social contact or making new friends can really help in finding a new purpose in your life, your mindset and self-confidence can be improved simply by making some lifestyle changes.
Just because you are over 50 doesn’t mean that you can’t learn a new skill or trade. I read an article not so long ago that men should have a hobby that if needed could be turned into a business.
Remember, no one is irreplaceable and we become more vulnerable as we get older within the workplace.
So, make learning a key part of your life, find new friends, spend time with your family, ask for the advice on what you could do to improve your mindset and self-confidence.
Think outside the box, look at new challenges, spend less time thinking and more about doing, nothing will come to you-you need to find it. If your middle age, hopefully, you will still have 20 odd years left on this planet-what are going to do with that time?
Find a purpose, forget the past, yes you can learn from it, but draw a line in the side and say- Today is the start of a new me, look at your mindset and self-confidence, they are linked to how long you could live too.
Allow your self to dream, try something new every day and learn to relax, learn to meditate, try a mindfulness technique, trust me it works, I would not be the person I am today if I not opened my mind up to new challenges and learnt how to meditate.
I confess that I do not have all the answers, I can only share what I learnt over the few years, that’s why I started menat50ish, to share to help middle-aged men to see middle age as a time of growth.
We can stay as we are, and you may be happy with your lot, but things never stay as they are, so why not try something different, you don’t have to follow the heard, find your own voice amongst the crowd, its never to late for anything, work on finding ways to improve your mindset and self confidence.