I meet my wife on a blind date, yes they still happen! Having been divorced once you are never quite sure how a new relationship my go. So going on a blind date was not my ideal way of meeting someone. And to be honest the date was ok, it had its moments and I really didn’t think we would see each other again.
But fate has a strange way of playing a part in life as well as love. By the end of the night, something just clicked, you know that feeling that? It’s hard to put into words- It just felt warm, cosy, I know that may sound a bit soft and sentimental but that’s how it felt.
And from that moment, we just spend time together, sharing each other’s dreams, getting to know each other and the more we talked and laughed together the more we grew closer and it was great.
The passion, the energy, the focus we had for one another was raw. Even into the first few years of marriage, when we bought our first house together and had a daughter, we carried a passion for one another.
All of our times spent together felt like the first time we had ever spent time together. All of our date nights felt like our first date. Our conversations were fluid, our communication was open, and our intimacy was deep. I thought these feelings would last forever.
But Then, Life. Yes, Life Takes Over.
Jobs, looking after your children and more. Before you know it, you’re pulled in so many different directions by the demands of life.
But when you least expect it, you realize you’ve more or less become ships passing in the night. It happens to just about every married couple on planet earth. If you felt this way, you’re not alone.
Have you ever wondered how to maintain a happy married life? To get back those first days together when your entire world centred on one another? I’ll give you a hint and it’s probably not what you wanted to hear ….. You can’t!
I know you want it back. But, the intimacy of your first few years together can never be replicated.
So, Then How Do You Rekindle What Has Gone A Bit Flat?
You can’t – As much as you wish, hope, or pray to return, as a couple, to the glory days when you had not a care in the world, spending hours upon hours upon hours talking, dreaming, and living life footloose and fancy-free, you can’t return to that place or time.
That time is forever frozen in time, only to be conjured up in memories and occasional “remember when’s.” And that’s okay. It’s supposed to be this way. A happy married life is based on the now not the past.
The laws of life are in place for a reason. You’ve grown up over all these years. You’re not the same person as you were back then, and neither is your wife. You’ve grown together as a couple and so has your love for one another.
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You reinvent yourself as a couple. You rebuild intimacy based on your life now. You change as a couple to the changing scenery of your life. As the years go by the secret to a happily married life changes, and you need to change with it.
That’s why love, at first sight, is false. By the very nature of love, there’s no way “love at first sight” can’t be false. Infatuation at first sight…now that’s a reality. We were all ga-ga over our mate when we first saw them (mostly). As the year’s pass, your love must grow, your intimacy must evolve.
I’ve been married for almost 18 years. The love my wife and I have for one another today is far greater than the love we had for one another when we first got together.
Some of the lessons I have learned have come from doing things right, but the vast majority of the lessons I’ve learned from marriage have come from areas that I’ve completely failed in.
The reason is that love, in its true form, ages and becomes better over time (like a good bottle of wine). In its beginning stages, it hasn’t even begun to reach its true depth or full potential. A happy married life is something that needs to be worked on, nurtured, watered and feed. Without, it will simply wither and die. So what can you do to keep a long and happy married life?
Continue To Date.
I think my wife nearly had a heart attack on the day that I asked her to go on a date with me that Friday night, and I guess that I shouldn’t have been so surprised by her surprise.
For a brief moment, she looked at me like she was looking at a stranger. It had really taken her off guard that I had thought to date her and then planned it well in advance.
One of her favourite bands was playing in a city nearby and I bought us tickets, got a babysitter, and invited her to a dinner and concert date. I cannot tell you how much my wife loved being loved by me in that way.
All night long she glowed like a woman who knew deeply that she was being loved.
Even though we have been married for 18 years, I have made a commitment to take my wife on at least two dates per month. Sometimes I plan extravagant dates and we dress up and go out dancing and to a fancy dinner.
Other times we head to our favourite bookstore, order coffees and look at magazines and books together. Some of my favourite dates are the simple ones, the ones where we know that nothing matters as much as just being together.
Make Time For Each Other.
Every night, we make sure that we have time for each other. Both of us have demanding jobs, so it just nice to switch the TV off and just talk. To share each other’s day. We may go for a walk, listen to music, read with each other. Some weeks, our sacred time is shorter, at other times, it’s longer. The point is, we intentionally carve it out…regardless of the length of time.
Work Together In Raising Your Family
Intimacy as a couple has grown deeply because we both love to pour into our family together. We love to co-parent our children. We love to both be involved in the things they are doing.
I love my wife so much for the mom she is. Last week we both attended our son’s history presentation. He was over the moon that both of his parents were there. The week before that, we both went up and ate lunch with our other two sons. It was a good day together. And that’s a huge part of intimacy.
Celebrate Who You’ve Become Today.
Be proud of the years you’ve been together. And be proud of who you’ve each become individually. My wife is a great teacher who has a deep passion for helping young children at school. It’s a demanding job, ask any teacher and they will say the same thing.
Don’t get me wrong, we have had our ups and downs like most couples., but through everything we have never forgotten our first date and a happy married life is based on understanding, compromise and above all respect for each other.
You can’t return to the glory days. But you can make these days you are living in together glorious. That’s my secret to a happy married life.